Postpartum Struggles : Whole again

by - 3:37 PM

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Experiencing postpartum depression wasn't something i thought i would have to go through. Thinking back at it now, i was so narrow-minded towards the idea of being depressed about having my baby around. Why would i be? I carried him for 40 weeks only to embrace his existence right? Wrong. 

The things you thought you knew about having a baby around, dealing with your own recovery,
finding your identity and minding judgment completely shifts.

Having a baby

What i find most challenging of having the baby around was trying to gain my momentum on getting things done in the house. From doing the house chores to cooking to even taking a decent shower was tough for me. I had to constantly change my routine in order to make pockets of time to cater to the baby.

Whenever he needs me most like feeding time and changing of nappies, i'll be sure to complete certain tasks so i could divert my attention to him 100% and not worry about the things that are left undone. Some days it plays out really well, some days there will be a bit of a struggle. But that's life of a parent, isn't it?

Dealing with your recovery 

I urge all husbands to allow your wife time. This misconception of your wife being "okay or fine" after returning home from the hospital is completely false. You should acknowledge the fact that she hasn't had any rest since her labour, being constantly awaken by nurses to feed the baby, entertaining visitors the whole day and dealing with the after pain of labour. She is not one to function like normal though she is trying. The least you could do is respect her requests.

 I was one of  the many women that tried to conceive my exhaustion, pain and emotions. Many told me to rest, but i wanted to be accommodating too. My conscience didn't feel good if i wasn't accommodating enough to have visitors around though in my mind all i wanted was a full day's rest. May Allah Subhanahu wa ta`ala allow us to reap the rewards of such sacrifices and may he bless those that came to visit. 

At one point i was really overwhelmed by everything. Having a newborn also meant that your exhaustion, pain and emotions will constantly be overshadowed. It seemed to me at that point, that no one truly cared about my recovery and i broke down.

I found myself so deep in the pit with my emotions especially when i felt like i was deemed incapable of taking of my own baby. That's when i knew, i was suffering from postpartum depression.

Finding your own identity again

A continuation of your exhaustion, pain, and emotions being overshadowed, you also start to lose a bit of yourself even from the littlest things. I read somewhere that when you start losing your own identity, the first thing that you would stop doing is caring for yourself (even in the slightest way).

 I completely stopped my night routine for the first 3 weeks after my son was born. My night routine consists of me taking my own time to pamper myself with body care and skincare product.

Spearing myself 15-20 minutes every night meant that i am also taking good care of my body and skin which in turns, makes me strive to feel and look like myself even before the pregnancy.

I constantly tell myself that being a mother and a homemaker shouldn't restrict me from doing and achieving the things that i still yearn to do. In fact, it should be a motivation!

Minding Judgement

This is definitely one of the most common struggles that new mothers find hard to get over. I am one of those few that doesn't mind receiving feedback. Even so, i will overthink about it on how it would work best for me. I believe that those who choose to give feedback or share their opinions on certain things just want their opinions to be appreciated.

Always have Husnuzon -- to only have a good impression of someone or something. So ladies, do not get your emotions entwined with what you think works or doesn't work for your child. All you need to do is acknowledge in order to not risk judgment, especially from your elders.  

Whatever you think works best for your child apply it, if you think it doesn't then take it with a pinch of salt and move on. Do not dwell on the judgment of others just because you think you know what's best. Every day is a learning experience for us. So who knows we might find those bits of advice useful after all.

What is most important is to believe that you were meant for motherhood and you were meant to go through all the struggles.

 Do not let the struggle refrain you from giving yourself positive affirmations. Remember that you are continuing the lineage of the ummah of Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and that we are entrusted to nurture them. So let's not lose hope so easily, mothers!

O Allah! Grant us mothers the resilience and strength that we acquire to be the best mothers that we can for our offspring. Ameen.

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